I spent most of my day today in the house. When I finally left, I went to Starbucks and spent a little bit of time at the beach. Taking some time to be in awe of God's creation looking at the waves, feeling the wind on my face, reflecting on my current situation. Not to go into too many details right now, but let's just say that I'm in a semi-unhealthy space right now.
Before I left the house, Vivian Green's Emotional Roller Coaster came on my iPod, which is one of my favorite songs. As I sit here and type this blog, parts of it are playing in my head. "Emotional roller coaster, loving you ain't nothing healthy, loving you was never good for me....and I can't get off (that has so many meaning right there, I dare not try and address all of that right now)".
There's a guy (isn't there always), who I believe I have loved for a long time. But too many times, I have found myself crying over said guy, drinking over said guy, while not being in a "relationship" with said guy. There was one time, I had consumed some dark alcohol in an attempt to numb that sadness and anger I was feeling over said guy, who lied and did some things that I thought were shady. Long story less long, I got drunk and threw up. Not a good look.
Fast forward to yesterday, said guy didn't respond to a few text messages and today sent me to voicemail today when I called back. That shit pisses me off to no end. I will admit that I am insecure but I also don't do too well with being lied to. You're probably thinking, "Why are you still dealing with this person?" HELLO....Emotional Roller Coaster. Duh.... Some days are great, like earlier this week...some days are crazy, like this. I recognize that "relationships" are not easy. Regardless of what you think about this, this is no exception.
No comments:
Post a Comment